quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
