I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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