I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
