I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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