yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
