I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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