My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
