Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
