where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
