mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
