East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
