we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
