Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
