okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
