If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
