You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
