what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
