this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
