I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
