Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
