drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
MIDGETS
????
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
