His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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