Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
