it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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