Your face is a jimmy john
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
