is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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