I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
