I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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