when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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