i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
should my penis look like a turkey
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
