I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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