u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
