My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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