Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
