remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
