I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
