Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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