I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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