i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
