You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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