Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
