Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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