college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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