and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
