I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
