Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
