I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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