I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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