I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
