He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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